An Ode to Crying

I used to cry a lot, because I was sad all the time. And it was horrible because I would look at something that reminded me of an event which had happened earlier that day, and I’d burst in to tears. I would cry on the subway, and on the street, and in the supermarket. I literally had no shame or filter on my raw and seemingly uncontrollable emotions. People would cast strange looks in my direction, because weeping in public is frowned upon, and literally nobody on the surface of this earth likes sitting next to a weeping white girl on their way home from work.

Now that I try to have a slightly higher level of self-control and not to sob in public anymore, I still like to make an appointment at least once a week in my hectic schedule to sit down and have a good old cry. ‘You’re nuts!’ I may hear some of you exclaim, and if that’s your answer- I’m sorry but you are missing out. Crying is literally the pissing of the eyes (I’m at least 45% sure that is the direct translation from the French word). Basically you’ve gotta rid yourself of all that nervous energy to help yourself move forward with your life in a positive way, or else you might get some sort of eye infection and go blind and die.

Let’s face it, you really shouldn’t cry in adult situations. Even if you want to and you can feel your mouth doing that terrible twitching thing and you just have to say ‘thanks Sandra, I’ll try and do that next time, I’m sorry I am such a terrible idiot’ even although you are secretly withering away inside. HOWEVER, brace yourself for this tip – In future, instead of bottling up these old firey emotions, say to yourself: ‘No worries, I’ll just pencil a good cry in for this evening and I won’t make a fool of myself in public and get myself banned from the library again’. This is going to change your life, I can guarantee it.

I’ll give you an example of the perfect crying appointment. This year, I found myself alone on Valentine’s Day (again). Now I do not care about Valentine’s day, not even slightly. It is a stupid day dedicated to annoying couples who have nothing better to do with their evenings than go out for an overpriced meal and then have sex together (I’m not bitter at all, honestly). And despite my obvious apathy towards this situation, I’d had enough. I had to take matters into my own hands, and pull out the mother of all sad films for my long overdue crying appointment.

Now I’m no lightweight when it comes to this kind of stuff, I really am talking about the SADDEST film OF ALL TIME. No not The Iron GiantThe Notebook. This movie is unbelievable. Like seriously it ticks all the boxes. You’ve got old fashioned love. You’ve got unrequited love. You’ve got deathbed love. You’ve got kissing in the rain. AND to top it all off, Ryan Gosling builds this bitch a house.

I watched this movie in the bath. I lit my candles. I had my wine. The ambiance was as close to perfection as one can achieve in one’s parent’s bathroom. And I sobbed the full film. The potent combination of feeling so sorry for myself and this emotional sledgehammer of a film led what I can only describe as 2 very long sad hours which practically overflowed my bath! It was incredible and I honestly cannot wait to do it again next year! Because although crying uses more muscles than it does to smile, sometimes your face needs a workout.

Have you been inspired to make your very own crying appointment? Check out some of my very favourites, and make sure to tell me about your favourite things to cry to! I’m always searching for new material 😥

  • Watching a sad scene in Eastenders (sorry boys, this one only works when you’re menstruating)
  • Watching old people on First Dates when they’re on their first date since the death of their spouse 27 years ago.
  • Videos of abandoned dogs being rehabilitated.
  • Thinking about that tiny Mexican dolphin which went extinct.
  • Video montages of Jim and Pam from The Office.
  • Chi Chi Devayne vs Thorgy Thor lip-synching to I’m Telling You when she breaks the necklace.
  • Nina Simone singing Stars/Feelings.
  • Donald Trump not believing in climate change.
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