HI my name is Ruth McGlynn and I’ve been stuck in a rut for the past three months. As a top line summary of the rut, I would say this:
- I decided that I would renounce all physical activity because I had a new found love for my new found curves (I’m a size medium in Zara now which is the second largest size FYI).
- I had to pay £100 for a REPLACEMENT RETAINER from the ORTHODONTISTS; which was basically me shelling out my cash money to look like A HUGE NERD at bedtime. This deprived me of important money I could have used to buy sheet masks, teeth whitening strips or a reusable water bottle (I realise the first two are probably bad for the environment but the last one makes up for this).
- I was on the piss all the time b/c I was miserable and poor & instead of facing the music like an adult I decided just to delve deeper into my overdraft and pretend I was wealthy.
- My pinky is also really sore because I got acrylic nails and I’m constantly holding it at an elevated position so I can type properly.
- My only hobby was watching Rupaul’s Drag Race which is not a real hobby.
All in all, it has been a truly Kafka-esque situation, in which I would go home from work, watch TV and go to sleep and be so tired and sad and have nothing to look forward to, watching the evenings grow ever darker and wondering if this was the true meaning of life. As a further example of my life being unfulfilling, until 2 weeks ago in my whole working career, I had never gone outside before 7pm on a Saturday or a Sunday. I was a nocturnal creature living solely for evening activities. I didn’t realise how nice it was to have a day off and be a happy morning person. THINGS HAPPEN AT 10AM ON A SATURDAY FYI. (I just found this out and I thought I would share the message.)
But guess what? Things are v different now, and I turned my life life around AGAIN/ I’m not stuck in a rut any more. I think I’ve written 5 things about me turning my life around because I have an unrelenting positive streak of which consistently crops up every few months. But the hardest thing about turning your life around is keep your life turned around. To try and make it stick this time, I am making my first forays into mindfulness? I still don’t know what that is but I will probably buy an overpriced hardback book on it and then I’ll figure it out. I think if I just sit quietly for a few minutes every day I will be grateful to be alive and be able to take some time to thank god for all this bod.
I’ve also prepared a further proposal for continued new found success/going HAM at life:
- Keep saying HAM at every possible opportunity
- I am no longer on the pill to see if this was what was causing my period of depression. I will refer to this is my recurrent blue period a la Picasso (I got this wrong and said that it was Van Gogh in my first draft which my sister corrected, to be entirely transparent).
- It’s entirely stupid to renounce physical activity because your muscles will wither away and you’ll be left like those people in Wall-e. also weird that working out actually gives you more energy? I always thought that was a sick joke but it’s true.
- I want to be able to do the splits. This isn’t realistic but shoot for the moon and you’ll land among the stars that’s what they say. I am doing a yoga class and I do a kind of half split in it and I STG my body is just not built for it.
- I now wear natural deodorant so I am closer to myself and the earth.
- I love having my nails done I feel like a VIP MOM this is truly the real me and it’s a real learn going forward.
In conclusion; staying positive is very hard especially when the sun doesn’t rise til 9am and you spend most of your life in darkness like a human vole. Sometimes the only way to keep things sunny is to always smile on the outside and then you’ll eventually smile on the inside OR buy one of those ultraviolet lights like Emma Roberts has in Wild Child (if it works for Emma Roberts it works for me). Also as a sidebar, they say that money can’t buy happiness, but i just spent £10 on a unitard that says ‘omg I’m dead’ on it, and honestly i can now say with absolute impunity that i am living my best life.